July 13, 2009

17 months

I miss you, but, I'm still mad at you. I'm mad at you for leaving everybody behind. I'm mad at you for only thinking of yourself. I'm mad at you for being so stupid. I still feel anger build up inside, and I could just scream. Sometimes I just want to see your face so I can shake you as hard as I can and ask you what you were you thinking, and the wonderful question, "WHY"? I still love you so much, and I keep praying for the day when there will be no more pain and sorrow, but most of all no more anger. I hate feeling bitterness towards you.

1 comment:

Becke' said...

Go ahead and scream. God can take it. We have no idea how bad emotionally you have to be to not think of others in that state...to be so absorbed in a battle with Satan that there only seems to be one route of escape. My heart aches for you. I know you have a void of a best friend. I pray that one day, God will infuse you with the grace to forgive her. She wouldn't have intentionally hurt us...she just wasn't herself in that moment. I know she would give anything to look you in the eye and ask for your forgiveness in leaving you (us) that way, but for now, we must do it anyway. We can't get to a point of peace until it happens. Praying that God gives you grace to forgive. You are a sister that I cherish and adore and am so proud of.