February 22, 2009

Sisterly *LOVE*

Mom and I had the opportunity to go to Conway this weekend and see Becke' and the Boy's! (Eric, Cade, Eli & Sam) And we had a blast!!! Cade had a basketball game on Saturday, and let me just tell you- That boy kicked some booty!! He is definitely a "baller"!!! But not only is Cade good at basketball, he is good at every other sport too! Very athletic- he must of got that from his mommy! LOL After the game on Saturday, us girls headed out to eat some Mexican Food and do a little shopping! One of our stops was by Merle Norman, and I quickly became depressed! My favorite eye liner, that I have worn since I was probably 13, is being discontinued... that's the bad news. The good news was, that it was ON SALE (that's my favorite word!!!) for 40% off!! So I stocked up and bought 9 boxes!! Wahoo! I should be good for a couple of years, but when that supply runs out, I don't know what I'll do.  
The picture above was from a quick photo shoot we had before we left for Cade's game. No, she's not trying to kill me- we were just having some fun! I love spending time with my talented and beautiful sister! She means the world to me! I just wish she lived closer.... here in Northwest Arkansas would be great!!!!

Happy Sunday to Everybody!!!

February 20, 2009

It's over.... but the count down begins again

For some reason I had a hard time bringing my self to "post" the week of the 13th. I was fine up until this week, I had no pain or sorrow, well I did, but it was almost like I was numb, and it felt "good" to tell stories about my beautiful sister. To Tell everyone how great she was and how much she impacted lives! But it hit me, and it brought me down. I shouldn't have to "blog" about her. She should still be here and still be doing these amazing things, and still impacting lives here- here with me. There's so many people out there that never got to meet Kiley, and I wish they could have. They say they have heard so many great things about her, and they feel like they've met her, but it's not the same.

My last post I wanted to do for the last day was for my mom. My mother is an amazing person. I couldn't have asked for a better mother. She has impacted my life in so many ways, I don't even know where to start. She has always been there for me and supported me. Words can not express my love for her. She has been so strong during this time of pain and sorrow. I had a hard time losing a sister, and my best friend. But for a mother to lose her child, her beautiful daughter at such a young age is unexplainable. There is a lot more memories in my mom's heart and mind than anyone else. Some are good, and some are bad- very bad.
My mom had a hard time getting pregnant with Kiley, she was never suppose to be able to have kids, but God worked a miracle (4 miracles!) To have cried for a baby, and to finally be blessed with a beautiful child of God is amazing, it's breath taking. My mom carried this child around for nine months, and grew closer and closer to her before she was even born. She spent several months feeding her, loving her, changing her diapers, and crying with her. She raised her to be a strong, beautiful, child of God, with no flaws. She did an amazing job and she did everything right. I can't imagine loving a child and putting all of your time and effort into for 24 years and then just losing them one day.
Sometimes I wish things could have worked out differently that day of the 13th, I wish my mom wouldn't have gotten home first,and I wish I could have taken her place and take that pain and memory away from her.
I repsect my mom for her courage and for remaing so strong this past year. She has continued to be a loving and supportive mother, when so many others would have gave up.... Gave up on life. So thank you mommy and remember that I love you and I'm sorry.


February 8, 2009

New In Town

In desperate need to see a great movie? Look no more, and go to your local theatre and watch "New In Town". Mom and I went and saw this yesterday and it was so cute! As we were entering the the theatre, an older lady was going in at the same time. Everyone she saw, she made sure to tell them that this movie was so cute, and that they need to see it! Well, she was going to see it for the second time! on the way out, she said, "see I told you this movie was good!" and she was right! It was adorable! 

February 5, 2009

Day 24


The number 24 was always my favorite number. I always considered it my "lucky" number. In basketball, I was always number 24. I would even go as far as hoping the number 24 would be on my fortune cookie, that way I would have good luck. My AOL screen name was Ditzychic24. My eBay account is amartens24. Any time a number had to be included in a screen name or a password, I would use 24. I loved the number 24. But now this number has a different meaning. It's the number of years my sister spent with us. The number of years she blessed everyone with her presence. The number of years, that she was the best daughter, sister, friend, and the perfect stranger. 24 is such a small number compared to other numbers like 45, 60, and 72. These numbers are numbers that seem more realistic to lose a loved one, not 24.  24 is so young,  and too early to leave this world behind. 

On my way home today I was thinking about a topic to blog about, and realized how fast this past month has gone by. I realized that I am running out of days, and there is still so much more to say. I became aware of the fact, that there will never be enough time to tell about how great my sister was, and even though she only spent 24 years here, she impacted more lives than ever imaginable. I still find my self angry and upset over this, wondering if this pain will ever go away. As I'm driving in my car, and these thoughts are running through my head, a special song comes on the radio- Amazing Grace, by Chris Tomlin. WOW, are you kidding me..... any better timing? It's such a comforting song, yet it's still painful in many ways. So- crazy thoughts running through my head, Amazing Grace, My Chains Are Gone, blaring over the radio, and my phone goes off- A text message, from Kiley's Ex, someone I haven't talked to in months. Again, Timing! I know God does things for a reason, and I know his timing is everything, but sometimes it feels like when it rains, it pours. All of the sudden, all of these memories, and emotions started to overwhelm me.

 I wonder what I would be doing right now if Kiley was still with me. I'm sure  we would have just got done watching Grey's Anatomy, an we would be furious, that they left us hanging, and did a "to be continued" But, I dont know, I don't know because she's not here. She's not here to comfort me during time of pain and sorrow, so instead I have to write about her.

February 4, 2009

Day 23

A dear Friend once gave this to Kiley in a picture frame....

Greek, helper of man-kind. Pure & radiant at heart, she will make everyone smile. A genuine Lady, perfect & Free from moral fault and guilt.

This little picture frame, that's about the size of my hand, means more to me now than it ever did.

February 3, 2009

Day 22

Wonderful Role Model

Kiley was the best leader and role model for young girls. Her desire to help others and motivate them to live a better life was amazing. She spent several hours a week preparing lessons for a class she taught at her church. Her class consisted of young girls around the age of 12-13. She admired those girls, and enjoyed spending time with them on a weekly basis. But, not only did Kiley teach this girls once a week on sunday, she worked hard to help them achieve at school and at home with their family. She engouraged them, showed them respect, and gave them the self confidence they needed. Kiley was always stepping outside of the box, and did everything she could think of, to make sure these girls had everything. She helped plan events such as a Father Daughter Banquet, Church Lock Inn, Vacation Bible School, and led a group called Spark. She left a huge mark on these girls heart and I know they will always remember her!

February 1, 2009

Day 19

Crazy Hat Day!
Sorry, I have been behind on my blogging, we were without power for a couple of days, and then I had to play catch up with homework, so as you can see, it is now 1:30 in the morning, so I guess this is actually Day 20!

Sorry, the quality of the pictures are not the best.......!!!!

I also thought of this song when I came across this picture. One day, my dad and sister will get to dance together again!

Dance with My Father

Back when I was a child
Before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high
And dance with my mother and me and then
Spend me around till I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved

If I could get another chance
Another walk, another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never ever end
How I'd love love love to dance with my father again

When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way I would run from her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me(yeah, yeah)
Then finally make me do just what my momma said
Later that night, when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me

If I could steal
One final glance
One final step
One final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never ever end
Cause I'd love love love to dance with my father again

Sometimes I'd listen outside her door
I'd hear how my mother cried for him
(2x) I'd pray for her even more than me

I know I'm praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don't do it usually
But dear Lord she' s dying to dance with my father again

Every night I fall asleep
And this is all I ever dream