February 20, 2009

It's over.... but the count down begins again

For some reason I had a hard time bringing my self to "post" the week of the 13th. I was fine up until this week, I had no pain or sorrow, well I did, but it was almost like I was numb, and it felt "good" to tell stories about my beautiful sister. To Tell everyone how great she was and how much she impacted lives! But it hit me, and it brought me down. I shouldn't have to "blog" about her. She should still be here and still be doing these amazing things, and still impacting lives here- here with me. There's so many people out there that never got to meet Kiley, and I wish they could have. They say they have heard so many great things about her, and they feel like they've met her, but it's not the same.

My last post I wanted to do for the last day was for my mom. My mother is an amazing person. I couldn't have asked for a better mother. She has impacted my life in so many ways, I don't even know where to start. She has always been there for me and supported me. Words can not express my love for her. She has been so strong during this time of pain and sorrow. I had a hard time losing a sister, and my best friend. But for a mother to lose her child, her beautiful daughter at such a young age is unexplainable. There is a lot more memories in my mom's heart and mind than anyone else. Some are good, and some are bad- very bad.
My mom had a hard time getting pregnant with Kiley, she was never suppose to be able to have kids, but God worked a miracle (4 miracles!) To have cried for a baby, and to finally be blessed with a beautiful child of God is amazing, it's breath taking. My mom carried this child around for nine months, and grew closer and closer to her before she was even born. She spent several months feeding her, loving her, changing her diapers, and crying with her. She raised her to be a strong, beautiful, child of God, with no flaws. She did an amazing job and she did everything right. I can't imagine loving a child and putting all of your time and effort into for 24 years and then just losing them one day.
Sometimes I wish things could have worked out differently that day of the 13th, I wish my mom wouldn't have gotten home first,and I wish I could have taken her place and take that pain and memory away from her.
I repsect my mom for her courage and for remaing so strong this past year. She has continued to be a loving and supportive mother, when so many others would have gave up.... Gave up on life. So thank you mommy and remember that I love you and I'm sorry.



Anonymous said...

I stumbled across your blog and just had to write about how touching it truly was. I don't know your situation, but I will lift you and your family up to God. Your Mother sounds like such a blessing! Always remember that God refines us through such tragedies. He must have an amazing plan for your sister in heaven and for you all on earth to have taken this route.

God bless you and continue smiling!

Amelia said...

Thank you for your encouraging words!

Anonymous said...

Amelia -

I had a long post about how much I love your Mom and got all weepy and then wham, it was just gone! So I'll keep it much shorter this time and say that I loved your post about your Mama and thank you for sharing. Big hugs to her and to you...

Mandy S