November 15, 2008

Why does music hurt so bad?

It's amazing to me how the words to music, or any piece of art changes so much in meaning after you lose a loved one. I don't understand why it hurts so much more, or why certain words to certain songs make you more emotional than others. Even songs that I have heard a million times, and they were JUST songs before, but now they have meaning to them, a lot of meaning. Ever since my beautiful Kiley passed away I have spent more time crying over music than any other thing. It took me several months to even be able to sit through a whole church service without crying during the music. Simple songs that weren't meant to be sad made me cry. Simple praise and worship songs made me cry, and the worst when they sang the traditional and contemporary version of Amazing Grace. It's even hard when you're driving down the road and a song full of different points has so much meaning that it hits the soft spot in my heart that still aches for my sister. I honestly don't know why music has such an impact on my life now. A part of me says its because Kiley loved music so much, and that's an important way I remember her, but why does it have to hurt? Why do the lyrics have to hurt so bad? Can't they be happy lyrics, reminding us of all the good things she did for us? Instead they seem to hurt and cut deeper than ever before. I have heard a lot of wonderful songs with such great meaning since Ki-Ki has passed, but the song I heard early topped the list. I had yet to listen to a song that felt like it was written to me and for me. I feel like this is my song, and Im sure many others can relate to the lyrics too. But, I do know that this is a song that will stick with me forever, I will play it constantly, and hopefully it will help me to continue to find peace. Please save me a seat in Heaven Ki-Ki, I love you and miss you will all my heart. <3 *If you would like to listen to this song, you can go to:
Sorry, I couldn't find the song to on my music playlist.... so this is the best I could find.

"Save a Place For Me"
Matthew West

Don't be mad
If I cry
It just hurts so bad, sometimes
Cause everyday it's sinking in
And I have to say goodbye all over again

You know I bet it feels good to have the weight of this world off your shoulders now
I'm dreaming of the day when I'm finally there with you


Save a place for me
Save a place for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon
Save a place for me
Save some grace for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon

I have asked the questions why
But I guess the answers for another time
So instead I pray, with every tear
And be thankful for the time I had you here


I wanna live my life Just like you did
Make the most of my time Just like you did
And I want to make my home up in the sky Just like you did
Oh, but until I get there...Until I get there...



Anonymous said...

Spoken so truly. I haven't heard this song yet. When I hear it, I am sure I will cry like a baby. I love ya, sis.

Suzette said...

Amelia, my heart breaks for you. I am so sorry that you have to experience this pain! I continually think of you and pray for you!

Love in Christ,