Day 24

24

The number 24 was always my favorite number. I always considered it my "lucky" number. In basketball, I was always number 24. I would even go as far as hoping the number 24 would be on my fortune cookie, that way I would have good luck. My AOL screen name was Ditzychic24. My eBay account is amartens24. Any time a number had to be included in a screen name or a password, I would use 24. I loved the number 24. But now this number has a different meaning. It's the number of years my sister spent with us. The number of years she blessed everyone with her presence. The number of years, that she was the best daughter, sister, friend, and the perfect stranger. 24 is such a small number compared to other numbers like 45, 60, and 72. These numbers are numbers that seem more realistic to lose a loved one, not 24.  24 is so young,  and too early to leave this world behind. 

On my way home today I was thinking about a topic to blog about, and realized how fast this past month has gone by. I realized that I am running out of days, and there is still so much more to say. I became aware of the fact, that there will never be enough time to tell about how great my sister was, and even though she only spent 24 years here, she impacted more lives than ever imaginable. I still find my self angry and upset over this, wondering if this pain will ever go away. As I'm driving in my car, and these thoughts are running through my head, a special song comes on the radio- Amazing Grace, by Chris Tomlin. WOW, are you kidding me..... any better timing? It's such a comforting song, yet it's still painful in many ways. So- crazy thoughts running through my head, Amazing Grace, My Chains Are Gone, blaring over the radio, and my phone goes off- A text message, from Kiley's Ex, someone I haven't talked to in months. Again, Timing! I know God does things for a reason, and I know his timing is everything, but sometimes it feels like when it rains, it pours. All of the sudden, all of these memories, and emotions started to overwhelm me.

 I wonder what I would be doing right now if Kiley was still with me. I'm sure  we would have just got done watching Grey's Anatomy, an we would be furious, that they left us hanging, and did a "to be continued" But, I dont know, I don't know because she's not here. She's not here to comfort me during time of pain and sorrow, so instead I have to write about her.